Summer Sentence Shape-up

It’s the first day of summer, when I always wish I’d done more to drop a couple of pounds before shimmying into a swimsuit.

Like people, sentences also get a bit flabby if writers don’t exercise some self-control at the keyboard. Here are a couple of recent examples from editing gigs:

BEFORE: Currently educators are disciplined with deductions from a point system that tracks their attendance whenever they take one of the 10 total sick days they get each school-year.

AFTER: Educators get 10 sick days each school year, and are disciplined with deductions from a point system that tracks their attendance.

“Before” contains all the right info – it just needs to be pared down. Leaner sentences function better; they're easier to read.

BEFORE: As a matter of fact, the American Psychological Association (APA) says stress on the job has actually increased, and part of the blame is political arguing by co-workers.

AFTER: The American Psychological Association says on-the-job stress has increased, and blames it partly on political divisions among co-workers.

My best advice is simple. Bang out a first draft, then ask yourself, sentence by sentence, ‘Could I make this point with fewer words?’ Trim anything that doesn’t enhance the meaning.

Finally, read your work aloud. It’s a surefire way to recognize awkward phrasing, and the need for more or less detail.

So, dive in! Make your sentences svelte this summer.

(Photo credit: Todd Quackenbush/Unsplash)